People sometimes do weird things. Those things can be very amusing, but people sometimes go a bit too far. That’s when you need to tell people to cut it out and act like a person who is actually sane.
Situational comedies are all about people who go a little too far. They are extreme versions of people you might meet in real life. If you actually met a sitcom character in real life, you would be sort of freaked out; you would tell them to stop it with their antics.
Curiously, though, there are people who act like sitcom characters from time to time. Here are ten examples of people who definitely need to be stopped.
1. The Person Selling Out of Their Trunk
You shouldn’t sell things out of the trunk of your car. That is just extremely sketchy. Anyone who buys things out of the trunk of a car should reevaluate their life choices.
You definitely shouldn’t buy food out of the trunk of a car. I don’t mind food trucks, as I have had a few good meals out of those. Buying food out of a trunk, though, is definitely a risky move. I don’t care how good the deal seems to be; treating food poisoning can be a costly endeavor.
I have had food poisoning. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. You have to be particularly careful with rice. If you don’t trust a restaurant, you shouldn’t eat any rice-based dish they serve. That’s the worst kind of food poisoning, I think.
In addition to knowing your restaurant, you should always be careful when you reheat rice—even if you prepare it yourself. Bacillus cereus is kind of hearty. Don’t leave your rice at room temperature for very long. Things can get very, very ugly. You really don’t want to know.
2. The Boots and the Pee
If there are people peeing in boots, they should definitely be stopped. That’s a weird thing to pee in. I had a friend in college who used to keep plastic bottles around to pee in because he was too lazy to get up and use a toilet. Surprisingly, we’re still friends over a decade later.
Peeing in bottles is, based on my brief research, somehow normal. I don’t really want to figure out why, but it apparently is. I guess there are a lot of lazy people out there.
I can’t imagine peeing in boots, though. What’s the point of that? If you are wearing boots, you are probably outside. You’re going to get in trouble, either way, if you’re caught peeing outside. Depending on where you live, that can be a pretty serious charge. The boots won’t save you.
3. The Spaghetti and the Feet
This person needs to be stopped for a couple of reasons. For one, it is disgusting. I have never stuck one of my feet into pasta, and I never want to do so. I understand people have their things, but that is not one of my things. I just don’t see the appeal.
Secondly, that is a waste of pasta. I don’t eat a lot of pasta, true, as it is very fattening; however, when I do, I like to think it hasn’t been touched by a human foot. I really don’t want any creature’s foot touching it. I’ll let my dog walk on my head once in a while, which is weird, but I generally don’t like feet or paws touching my meal. Maybe I’m just weird that way.
From what I understand, feet used to be involved in the making of wine. I’m glad I wasn’t alive then. I like a good glass of wine here and there; I wouldn’t drink it if feet were involved, though.
I’ll never understand people that find feet attractive, but I know that they are out there. I am sure that I have randomly met a person who is really into feet, but fortunately I try to keep my conversations pretty shallow. I imagine having a fondness for feet is something you only reveal if you truly know a person—that’s not a thing most people advertise to strangers.
4. The Guy That Can Pee Really Well
I think the guy who can do this should probably be stopped. That just isn’t normal. If you can pee over your head, you are a kind of scary individual. You are impressive, true, but you are also kind of scary.
I hate using public restrooms. I hate using any restroom that isn’t my own. You just never know what you might step in. Have you ever had to pee in a restroom on the Pennsylvania Turnpike? That’s a pretty terrifying experience.
You basically just have to throw your shoes out after the trip. I know the workers are doing their best to keep the place clean, but it just isn’t enough. I can’t blame them, true, but it is just the most gross experience ever.
5. The Fish and the Machine
I can’t imagine what would lead a person to do this. Does the person have a problem with fish? Does the person have a problem with the bank? I don’t know what is going on here, and I am not sure that I want to know. Who has time for this sort of nonsense?
You know what’s weird? I have gone fishing several times in my life, and I have caught several fish. However, I have never actually eaten a fish that I caught. Granted, I usually fished in a small pond in a little housing development; I don’t think anyone would want to eat such a fish. Still, it seems curious to me that I have spent so much time fishing and never once enjoyed the fruits of my labor. Then again, I frequently spend a lot of time on projects from which I never end up gaining anything. For example, I once made the mistake of trying to get to know my neighbors. That was not a worthwhile endeavor. One of my neighbors recently sneezed in my face! In her defense, she is three. However, she did give me a cold! Snot was dripping from my nose for days, and my eyes were kind of puffy. I did not look my best.
I have nothing against fish or the consumption of fish. I do enjoy eating at a seafood restaurant down the street from me—because they make a crab soup that will make you completely reevaluate your relationship with soup. I have never had better soup in my life! If you’re a fan of the sitcom “Seinfeld”, you know about the guy that makes the really great soup. I actually met that actor once. In case you are unaware, the character is based on a real person who sold soup in New York City back in the day. For a while there, you could buy his soup in supermarkets. It was definitely pretty good. I am sure it would have been great if it hadn’t sat around in a package on a supermarket shelf for several months before I consumed it.
Anyway, this restaurant makes better soup than the sitcom character and real guy did. It is really quite impressive. The shrimp they offer is also quite nice.
6. The Pizza Washer
This may be one of the weirder things I have ever seen.
I know there are people who dab the grease off of their pizza with a napkin. They’re trying to make pizza healthier, which is kind of silly. If you’re going to eat a bunch of pizza, you should just embrace the fact you are not exactly living the healthiest lifestyle.
I remove the cheese from my pizza—or order a pizza without cheese if I have the option of doing so. I just can’t stand the taste of cheese. I have been made fun of for this since I was a relatively young child.
Some places simply refuse to make a pizza without cheese, and I’ll never understand that. Cheese is often the most expensive part of a pizza. They should really charge less for pizza without cheese, but no shop ever does.
The dabbing of the grease kind of makes sense, but why would anyone wash a pizza? Why would they do so in such a fashion? In this case, wouldn’t doing so damage the pepperoni? I don’t like cheese, but I love pepperoni. I suppose it is possible that the pizza was somehow made dirty; for example, it could have fallen on the floor. In such a case, though, you throw the pizza away. You don’t wash the pizza.
I once found my dog licking my pasta dish. I had a big plate of pasta that I was very much looking forward to eating. That’s all he was doing—he was just licking it. I would have expected him to start chowing down on said pasta—but for reasons unclear he did not do so. The dog just started licking it. I didn’t bother washing the pasta. I just ate it. I let the dog lick my face, after all. Am I really going to get too nitpicky when it comes to my food? I am not the classiest person.
Anyway, people that wash their pizza need to be stopped. That is not normal behavior. I also don’t think people should be dabbing the grease off of their pizza.
7. The Car in the Water
This picture makes me mad for a couple of reasons. For one, everyone looks really happy, and I can’t figure out why one would be happy about ruining a car.
I honestly have no idea what happens to cars that end up in a lot of water. My assumption was that they are rendered completely useless and sold for scrap metal. I might be wrong about that, though. You would think they would get some sort of moldy stink going on, but maybe there’s a way to get that out!
You have to be careful with cars. They’re essentially ruined after one little ding or scratch. They’ll still get you from one point to another, sure but they’ll never be what they were. That’s why I don’t understand people who buy expensive cars. Unless you have an unlimited bank account, you can’t enjoy driving a really nice car. You’re just going to worry about your car during your trip, so you might as well buy a cheap one.
Other drivers can be terrible, but they can be the least of your concerns. I live in an area of the United States where there are deer everywhere. I have watched people strike deer with their car; I once had one literally jump on my roof. The deer kind of want to destroy your car. The deer are your enemies if you are a driver.
8. The Public Bathroom and the Food
I don’t care what anyone says—there is no excuse for eating in a restroom. There is just no reason. Restrooms are for expelling what was once food from your body. It really is that simple. That person needs to be stopped.
I know a guy that drinks coffee while doing his daily business. I can forgive that one. He claims it helps move things along, which I believe. I myself would drink coffee on the toilet; the problem is that I am sort of clumsy, and I am afraid I would break the mug.
9. The Women and the Selfie
People need to cut it out with the selfies already. I know I sound like I’m about 10,000 years old, but not every moment of one’s life needs to be documented. Yes, thanks to technology we do have the ability to document every moment of our lives; however, most lives are actually kind of boring and therefore not worth documenting. For example, I can’t think of a single thing that has happened to me this year that was worth a selfie. I went to a wedding in June; that might have been worth a selfie. I have known the bride for twenty years, so it was a memorable moment. But who would want to look at the selfie?
These women look lovely, but the experience was not worth the selfie.