There are a lot of reasons to hate school when you are a kid. For one thing, you’re forced to sit at a desk or at a table for hours at a time. Kids like to move around. They like to be active.
Also, a lot of the stuff you get taught is kind of boring. Even if you are only twelve years old, you are wise enough to recognize some of the crap you are learning will never be worth remembering. All you can do is sit there and take it while some old lady rambles on about a battle that really wasn’t that important in a war that really didn’t impact society very much. It is important to learn history, of course, but one mind can only remember so many dates.
Then again, there are the teachers who actually make school fun. I have a very dear friend who is a teacher, and I am sure that the seven-year-old children she manages for several hours a day love her. She’s hilarious, and she also sort of looks like she was born in an enchanted forest. Years back, she would have made a great Disney Princess.
Anyway, there are great teachers out there. I had one who regularly utilized costumes. They weren’t the best costumes, true, and I would later come to learn that some of the history he taught me was not technically accurate in the sense that it never really happened that way. But hey—that happens a lot in schools. A lot of history didn’t happen the way we learned it. At least I was having fun, though, right? He made me like to learn.
Here are ten examples of teachers you probably would have enjoyed when you were in school.
1. The Teachers With Anxiety
The best teachers out there are the ones who demonstrate to their students that they are human beings. I don’t think teachers should get too close to their students, obviously; a teacher probably shouldn’t be Facebook friends with his or her students. That would probably get weird.
Still, a teacher should be upfront about things like anxiety. Chances are, many of this teacher’s students have anxiety-related issues.
How can you not have an anxiety issue when you teach? I can’t imagine doing that job. You are basically performing in front of dozens of young people every single day. It must get very exhausting.
If you have never had a panic attack, consider yourself lucky. I have, and they stink. The chest pains are terrible. You feel like you are about to die, which isn’t a fun feeling. Personally, I always get a weird sensation in my left arm. I always think I am having a heart attack. One day, considering my love of salt, I will have a heart attack; I won’t go to the hospital, though, because I’ll think I am having a panic attack. Eventually, someone will find my dead body. It will likely be a gross scene.
2. The Tears
Considering he is making this joke, I am guessing that this teacher is a pretty nice, chill dude and his students don’t actually cry before they go into his class.
I think everyone who has graduated high school has had that one teacher they literally fear; they taught that class you dreaded attending.
I had one. She taught chemistry, and she was a nun. She was the meanest old lady you’d ever meet, and she’s the reason I get panic attacks every time I have to look at the periodic table. I saw her years after I graduated in a supermarket parking lot, and for a second I considered running her over with my car.
I did have a chance to tell off a different teacher at one point. Honestly, looking back, high school was hell because of the teachers—with the exception of a couple of kids, I was treated okay by my peers.
Anyway, the guy who taught me “world history” was an ass. I don’t know if he was trying to be “cool” or whatever, but he once played an elaborate prank on my entire class on April Fools’ Day; I wouldn’t have minded, except it wasn’t at all funny. He was also just mean. He made fun of the kids and talked about his ex-wife in less-than-flattering ways. I understand why she left him.
Anyway, he always hangs out at this one bar, and I saw him there one time. After telling him that I thought he was a turd and that none of his students liked him, I “accidentally” poured my beer on him.
I could go on—so I will—about the teachers at that high school. There was another nun who taught “American history”. She was mean, but she was way too stupid and way too old to hate. I also knew everything she was teaching anyway because my parents were always huge fans of American history. She was struck by lightning twice. One of those times was the night before she was taking her final nun vows—no joke. Anyway, you would think a religious person would take that as a sign from God that she shouldn’t be a nun. She did not, and instead she chose to become a nun anyway and bore the crap out of high school students for several decades.
3. The Costume
Costumes make everything better, and that includes classes. If I had been taught by this teacher, I might have paid more attention in school.
I think teachers often underestimate the need to be entertaining when teaching. You’re dealing with kids who have iPhones and play video games. Kids just don’t have the best attention spans. If you’re not amusing them when you are trying to teach them, they will never develop a passion for the subject.
I have complained about my teachers in high school, but the ones I had in grade school were fantastic. I still love, for example, Norse Mythology because of a teacher I had when I was ten. That was a pretty wacky religion. I’m not sure that knowing who Baldur (or Baldr) is really helped me later in life, but it is fun stuff to know.
4. The Smoker
I am surprised that you can get suspended for smoking cigarettes these days. It seems a bit extreme. True, teenagers shouldn’t be smoking, but this seems like a perfect opportunity to point out to a young woman that cigarettes are awful for your health.
Then again, teenagers really don’t care. They just think they will live forever; most of us do when we are kids. That’s just part of childhood, I guess.
I lost a childhood friend last year, and he was way too young to go. I would regularly stay over at this house and play video games when we were children. He was the nicest person you could ever meet. He had just married, too. That was probably the most depressing funeral I had ever been to in my life, and I have been to many, many funerals. His dog, which he loved, was there; that was a heartbreaking scene, as she clearly knew her master was gone. She was obviously grieving. It was also really depressing when I had to interact with his grandmother, who remembered me from when I was nine.
5. The Teacher and the Substitute Teacher
I am guessing this wasn’t an art class, but the teacher probably should have taught art. That is one impressive drawing. That guy clearly spent a lot of time on this thing. Most teachers wouldn’t bother.
I knew a guy who pretty much made his living as a substitute teacher. He was also a bartender and drank a lot. He told me that you pretty much need to drink a lot if you’re a substitute teacher, as the kids generally treat you like crap, which I believe. Also, at least in the United States, the pay is terrible. It is not a career that I would recommend.
6. The Teacher Who Isn’t a Fan of PDA
I can’t really blame this teacher. Also, it must be super tough to teach high schoolers and college kids. They all think their love is adorable and romantic. In general, it isn’t. Not many romances that begin before the age of 18 actually work out.
There are exceptions, of course. My mom met my dad when they were teenagers, and they’re still married. Still, knowing them, I doubt they ever made out in public places. People back then had a little thing I like to call “class”.
The bottom line is that no one wants to see you make out with another person. It isn’t as “adorable” as you would like to think it is. Actually, it is kind of gross.
7. The Teacher That Told His Kids to Shut Up
Frankly, I am surprised you can get away with telling your students to “shut up” in this day and age. I have noticed that young people today get easily offended.
I have friends who are teachers. One of them constantly gets emails from the parents of her students—which wasn’t really possible when I was a kid. Most of the parents will defend their children even if they are misbehaving and doing poorly in her class.
I find that to be a bit insane. In my day, if you were nasty in class or failing a class, your parents would yell at you; they wouldn’t confront the teacher.
8. The Teacher Who Stopped Caring
At a certain point, if possible, everyone sort of gives up at their job. This teacher or professor is probably just waiting for the day he or she can retire and do nothing but watch television all day. Aren’t we all waiting for that day?
When I was at university, a classmate asked me to proofread his paper. We had to write what was essentially a book report on “Moby Dick” or write a fictional story that embraced its themes or something. It was a wacky assignment. Anyway, I read his fictional story. It made absolutely no sense. There was a whale mentioned, true, but that was because two of the characters went whale watching. The plot was terrible, but the grammar was perfect.
Anyway, the professor later admitted that he gave the guy a “B” because he was so confused by the narrative that he figured it had to be sort of decent.
9. The Teacher Who Joked About Making a Little Extra
It is fair to say that, in the United States, teachers don’t really make very much money. They make decent money, true; on average, they make more than $50,000 a year, which isn’t at all bad.
Actually, in many states, they make over $70,000 a year. That isn’t bad at all.
Still, it is hard to resist a little extra money. When I was a kid, I would have paid a few bucks to have my teacher tell my parents I was a pleasure. I was afraid of many of my teachers, though, so I was a pleasure.
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