Everyone knows that one person who is trashy and sort of garbage. You can’t help it. People do obnoxious things. If you’re lucky, you only know the one person who is sort of obnoxious and trashy.
Personally, I know several people who are obnoxious and trashy. They are full of the garbage.
I get the feeling that there are people out there who are trying to find new ways to irritate others. Are universities now offering degrees in making a bother of one’s self? I wouldn’t be surprised. A lot of institutions are now offering pretty ridiculous degrees.
Here are nine examples of people who just don’t mind embracing their inner garbage.
1. The Brain of Garbage
To be honest, a lot of the inner garbage is in one’s own brain. I can’t even put into words just how much worthless crap I know. I couldn’t do long division to save my life, but I know a lot about obscure sitcoms from the 1970s. I wasn’t even born then, but I know a lot about the sitcoms. I have seen every episode of “Rhoda”, which is weird. I should be made fun of for that. I also know way more than I should about “All My Children”, which was a great soap opera. There is talk about bringing it back. Kelly Ripa, with whom you might be familiar, staged a mini-reunion on her talk show. It was very funny. She played a character on “All My Children” for several years.
Kelly’s husband Mark, who was also on the soap, is currently starring on the show “Riverdale”. It is all about the “Archie” comics, but it is extremely dark. Archie is currently incarcerated for a crime he did not commit, and he is dating Veronica. That’s all you really need to know if you want to start watching it. The first couple of seasons can be seen on Netflix in the United States. Give it a look!
2. The Snow Days
One of the only nice things about having to go to school is that you occasionally get surprised by a snow day. Weather is often the enemy, but it is your friend once in a while.
The idea of online classes for people under the age of eighteen kind of ticks me off. It is garbage. Apparently an entire government is embracing the inner garbage here. Whoever came up with this is just mean.
Who wants online classes? Who expects a kid to pay attention to online classes when there is snow outside and a Netflix subscription on their phone or tablet?
It is my understanding that a lot of adults have fond memories of their high school experience. I am not one of those adults. That whole experience was miserable. With two exceptions, all of the teachers were either terrible or mediocre. I understand that teaching is a hard job, and teachers are definitely underpaid in the United States, but “mediocre” isn’t a word you want applied to your job performance.
One of my great high school teachers claimed that she dated Fred Rogers. I have no idea if that was true. I do know she was excellent. I also know that I dreaded her class because she expected way more than any reasonable person teaching English should expect from a kid in high school. She also expected people who were about fifteen to care about boring plays written centuries earlier. I did not care, and no one in the class did.
There is a tavern near where I live; one of my high school teachers frequents it. I’ll go there from time to time. He doesn’t really remember me, but I certainly remember him. He was only about 30 at the time he taught me, so I will cut him slack there, but he literally made fun of me in front of the rest of the class several times during the year he taught me history. I can only be so forgiving. He also made fun of a friend of mine in a particularly nasty fashion.
If there is any good news—and I’m not sure there is—it is that his wife left him for another man and he ended up the sort of guy who has nothing going on and drinks alone in a bar day after day. I just assume his liver is failing, and he won’t be teaching for long.
3. The Beverage
I remember doing this letter thing. I usually did it while I was bored in high school listening to a pretty incompetent teacher drone on and on about a subject he or she wasn’t really qualified to teach. It was garbage then, and it is garbage now.
I have a few friends who are teachers, and it shocks me that any organization would hire them to guide the youth of the United States. The only exception is my friend Diana, but she teaches kids who are under the age of six. I could do that. For example, I just told my three-year-old neighbor that she shouldn’t eat snow that clearly had pieces of grass in it. She had a shovel; I don’t know why. She dropped some snow on my foot, so her parents took her home. It was a bizarre exchange.
I have a friend who teaches creative writing. The funny bit is that she has literally never been paid—not once—for writing. She teaches the youth of America, though. People pay taxes so she can teach their kids about how to structure a story—or something. You can learn that stuff online in about ten minutes.
I have been—and am—paid for writing stuff; therefore, wouldn’t I be the better teacher? I realize that my stuff isn’t always hilarious, true, but it is something to read when you have nothing else to do.
As I have pointed out, however, I have ideas for future seasons of “Cheers”, “Frasier”, “Scrubs”, and “Seinfeld”. Really, Hollywood just needs to call me. I am not expensive.
4. The Parking Space
This person apparently thinks he or she can park wherever, which is garbage. That’s just a bit of trash right there.
I actually know several people who think they can park wherever they want. If it isn’t “harming anyone”, they just park their car in whatever ridiculous spot they see fit. It is very obnoxious. Weirdly enough, I don’t think a single one of them has ever got a parking ticket for their ridiculous behavior.
I once had a person park in front of my driveway. I couldn’t leave the house in my car. The owner of the car clearly didn’t notice there was a driveway right there—or just didn’t care. I got my revenge, though. The owner left the door unlocked, so I found all of the dog poop I could and stuck a bag of it under the seat. I imagine that was a smell you just could not get rid of to save your life.
5. The Case
This is a garbage product, and anyone that gifts it to you is a garbage human. Why would you want a phone case that looks like wood? You want your phone case to make your phone very obvious. I lose my phone at least once a day, and that’s because it blends in with all of my furniture. The next time I buy a phone it’ll be bright pink or something. I am willing to be made fun of, honestly. I would rather that, frankly, then not knowing where my phone is at all times. I can deal with a little ridicule; I can’t deal with wondering if I missed a text.
It isn’t that people text me very often, mind, but hope kind of springs eternal.
6. The Halloween Decorations
I do agree that this is not okay. I like Spider-Man and all, but this is a bit much.
What is it with people and the Halloween? I used to have a friend who just went insane for the holiday every single year. I don’t know why, frankly. She really liked horror movies, which was definitely part of it.
Halloween is sort of a dumb holiday. The little kids wandering around looking for candy is amusing, to an extent, but some people just go overboard when it comes to Halloween. There is a family down the road, and they literally spend thousands of dollars on their decorations and getting actors to play monsters. In theory, they are raising money for charity; however, my theory is that they are just looking for attention. That seems far more likely.
7. The Irritating Button
I have no idea what this button is actually trying to convey. I don’t claim to be the brightest person who ever existed, but this is just weird. Why would anyone want such a button?
I sometimes think people are trying just a bit too hard. If you have to work hard to prove that you are clever, you are probably not very clever. I know a guy like that. He practices conversations before he has them. Anyone with half a brain can recognize that he’s not being original. He is just trying way too hard to be liked. Everything he says has been carefully rehearsed. It is an act for him.
I probably shouldn’t make fun of him, though. He managed to get a woman to marry him, and I am very, very alone. Arguably, his wife isn’t much of a prize, but he is still doing better than I am.
8. The “Toy Story”
This is Woody from “Toy Story”. I don’t know why he was posed like this, but it is garbage. In case you are unfamiliar, Woody was voiced by Tom Hanks.
It is fair to say that “Toy Story” was a pretty successful film. Two sequels came in the years that followed; the most recent one was released in 2010. Everyone thought that the third one would be the final in the series, but everyone was wrong. A new “Toy Story” movie is going to be released next year. I read an article in which someone predicted it would be the final one, but who are we kidding? There will be new “Toy Stories” released as long as the main actors draw breath.
Another star of “Toy Story” is Tim Allen. You probably know him from the sitcom “Home Improvement”. He is currently on a sitcom called “Last Man Standing”. He plays a guy that runs a store that sells things like tents and boats. It is remarkably popular these days.
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